A bit of Groucho for the holidays

Except for one lamentably precocious urchin (said Groucho, “You’re 10 years old, eh? How long have you been 10 years old?”), Marx lets his child contestants off easy, but uses them to harass adults. On a Christmas broadcast he managed the following three-way interview between himself, a little girl named Marion and an adult contestant got up to represent Santa Claus:
GROUCHO: Is there anything you’d like to ask Santa Claus?
MARION: How does he get through the world all in one night?
GROUCHO: Well, Dewey got all over being president in one night…Come on, Santa Claus, go ahead…how do you get all over the world in one night? I’ve been waiting years for this…
SANTA (harassed): Well, you, we…by the use of radar…
GROUCHO: There you are, Marion. Do you know what radar is?
GROUCHO (happily): Santa Claus, you better tell Marion what radar is.
SANTA: Well, it’s…
GROUCHO: Proceed, Santa, you’re on your own.
SANTA: Well, it’s something you push…
GROUCHO: That’s a lawnmower.
SANTA (hopelessly stranded): Then there’s a…if you like…
GROUCHO (beaming): Well, it’s something like that, Marion…do you understand all that?

~ Life Magazine, Nov. 21, 1949


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