Advice for Hockey Players, 1899

It is, perhaps, advisable to give up smoking. A cigar or pipe occasionally can cause but little injury to a man, but cigarettes are decidedly injurious. The following extract, borrowed from a newspaper, illustrates the above:

“This was actually heard in the Cracker district of Tennessee:

“The mother shouted from the door of the cabin behind the trees –

“‘Yank Tysan! Zeb Tysan! What yu’uns doin’?’

“Two little boys raised their kinky heads over a barrel three hundred yards down the mountain:

“‘Foolin’,’ was the reply.

“‘Be yu’uns smokin’?’

“‘Ye’um.’

“‘Be yu’uns chawin’ twist and smokin’ cob-pipe?’

“‘Ye’um.’

“‘Thet’s a’right. But if yo’ let me kotch yo’ smokin’ them cigareets, I’ll gi’ yo’ the wust lammin’ yo’ ever hed in yo’ lives. Yo’ heah yo’ ma?’

“‘Ye’um.'”

As smoking even in ordinary life is, to a certain extent, an injury to a man, it is not necessary to further mention it.

Alcoholic drinks, with the possible exception of an occasional glass of porter, should be strictly eschewed.

Warm baths taken too often, or indulged in for too long a time, have a strong tendency to render a man weak and slow, and even a dip every morning in cold water is injurious to a man in training.

It is said that more graves are dug with the teeth than with the spade. If this be true, a hockey player should be careful to eat only digestible foods, and in a manner that will not injure his digestion.

A hockey player who wishes to put himself in the pink of condition, should, difficult as it may be, avoid eating pies and pastry of any description. All trainers advise against the use of these.

~ Arthur Farrell, Hockey: Canada’s Royal Winter Game (1899), pp. 59-60

Image: The Montreal Amateur Athletic Association, winners of the first Stanley Cup championship, 1893 * Library and Archives of Canada

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14 responses to “Advice for Hockey Players, 1899

  1. Solid advice.

    Particularly that one about warm baths.

  2. To achieve the pink
    Do not drink

    All comestibles
    Should be digestible

    Trainers advise
    Against the use of pies

  3. Bravo!

    Amy, have you seen this site, Blogden Nash?

  4. Alcoholic drinks, with the possible exception of an occasional glass of porter, should be strictly eschewed.

    AMEN!…On most occasions, breakfast, nuncheon, dinner and supper. New Belgium’s “1554 Enlightened Black Ale” would be well advised.

    http://www.newbelgium.com/beer/1554

    Perhaps a good Oatmeal Stout at the breaking of the fast ’tis better for good digestion.

  5. Hi, Sven!

    Mark, seen it? I’m in it!

    Happy weekend. I hope you are making the most of it. But, let me remind…

    Cigars and pipes congrue with males
    But please avoid the coffin nails

  6. North Hampton, NH:

    Poetry is in the air
    Ogden Nash is buried there

    (But I’m having trouble coming up with something for the warm baths.)

  7. Hmm. Perhaps Edward Lear for the warm baths?

  8. Oh and kudos on “congrue.” What a fine word.

  9. Thou foolish Sybarite! Baths that are warm
    Inexorably lead to loss of form.

  10. Well done!

  11. Habitual balmy-warm ablutions
    Tend to lead to dissolution

    Cold dips may also sap your power
    We recommend a brief hot shower

    Or from the Greeks take inspiration
    A strigil scrapes off perspiration

    Now: the secret to my rhyme m.o.?
    Thesaurus and three cups of joe.

    (Bows. Accepts bouquets of flowers tossed at her feet.)

  12. Author! Author!

  13. I stand my hands a-clapping
    by such a talent, my thighs I’m slapping.

    Whistling loud, an encore, PLEASE!
    The Nashite muses to appease.

    More than this, I long to call.
    One wonders at how swift they tumble and fall.

    ~~~

    Mercurial minds y’all have, compared to the molasses slow and measured thoughts that February brings to this ol’ cowpoke writing.

    Give the lady a dozen crimson velvet red roses and charge it to my Calliopean account!

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